Lizzy Burnam 🐞

you consider, again, the burden of love
the psychology of it
"psychology" being a past you can't shake
the past everyone slugs around 
bashing their loved ones over the head 
& how first they see you & then 
you see them & then 
you both pretend not to have seen
for the sake of politeness
"politeness" being some strange mix 
of disgust & compassion
& how there's something mean about it 
this halfway loving
like feeling for a light switch & leaving instead
the only sometimes playful banter
the hahas turned to huhs turned to how comes 
the gossip-gathering, the stealing 
from one conversation to feed the next
the binge-drinking & the airs
of striving for more 
or better or both & you wonder 
who planted which seed
& how's growing
in these conditions even possible?

somehow it doesn't matter
there's always something on the other side
of that ampersand & it might as well be 
a belly laugh you can recognize
like the sound of your own voice 
over the swamp of noise in a crowded bar