Wash your hair every morning
Even when you don’t think you need to
Wash it every morning
And always wear your hair down
No matter what
When people ask about your plans
For the weekend
Make something up
Say you’re feeling lazy and want to veg out
Say you like Netflix
Say you like baking or reading or gardening
Say your friends are coming over
When people ask about your friends
Make something up
Smile and nod and take notes
Repeat back what they said
To show them you’re listening
Always be the first to ask “how are you”
Always be the last to go home
Sometimes, admit you’re tired
Sometimes, admit you’re a little bit overwhelmed
But only a little bit
Because too happy
Or too perfect
Will give you away
When people ask how you’re coping
Make something up
Say you’re exercising more
Say you’re taking a break from alcohol
Say you’re journaling
And breathing very deeply and very deliberately
From the belly
Like the Buddha
When you can’t have something
Decide you don’t want it
Even food
Even people
Don’t think about holding anyone
Or about being held
Don’t look at your old pictures
Don’t read your old poems
Try to be consistent
When your energy is high
Bring it down a little
When your energy is low
Bring it up
Not for real
That’s not possible
But just pretend
Just pretend your energy is different
More level
More in control
More normal
Be normal
Study normality
Have opinions
Normal opinions
Moderate opinions
So as not to offend anyone
One way or the other
Or call attention to yourself
When someone compliments you
Say thank you
And nothing more
Don’t ask for help
Even when you need it
Tell jokes
Study comedy
Yes and
How to pretend
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